I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the concept of a “good year” versus a “bad year.” It feels impossible to boil down 365 days that way, but I do notice certain patterns have characterized each year of my life thus far.

The pattern of the past year for me has been stillness. I’ve repeatedly and not always consciously given myself the gift of stillness. At times, particularly now as I’m in the throes of grief, this stillness can make me feel like I’m stuck on the platform and watching my life go by. But, it has given me the chance get to actually learn my own frequency.

On the cusp of 29, I am so fucking thankful to be alive, and also really missing my Oma and filled with a lot of sadness that this is the first birthday and holiday season without her. I enjoy the money I’m making and all the creature comforts it affords, and am also feeling incredibly burnt out and questioning if I want to spend the rest of my life caught up in the rat race. Like this can’t be it — right? I am so grateful for all the healing and work I’ve done to step into my divinely fine ass self, and also at times frustrated that the nature of this journey is cyclical and when I catch myself looking external for validation of my self- worth.

Most of all, I am really proud that I have given myself the space and time to live my life at the intersection of and + also in world that is always pushing us to be either/or.

Cheer to mars and the moon for leading me in another turn around the sun.

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